Your skin does not define your worth

I suffer from chronic acne. I am not unworthy, less of a person or less beautiful because I suffer from this skin condition.

It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable in my own skin, and some days I still don’t feel like this. But that’s okay. I suffer from extreme acne, my cheeks are the most affected by this condition. I never used to leave the house without makeup on no matter where I would be going, even if it was down to the shops to grab some bread. I could not bring myself to let anyone see me with my skin bare. I thought people would be looking at me thinking that I was ugly, disgusting, dirty and any other disgusting name i could call myself. When in reality, no one cares.

I have suffered from acne for as long as I can remember. As a teenager I had pretty bad acne but was quickly put on the pill which controlled it but I would suffer from hormonal acne so it was bearable and didn't really bother me too much. However, it was still definitely in the back of my mind. At 24 years old it is probably the worst it has ever been. I would ask myself why? Shouldn’t it be getting better? Why does no one else my age suffer from this condition as badly as I do? I would ask myself all these questions daily and wonder why as an adult I was suffering from a  condition that I thought was only for teenagers. I then realised it’s just not spoken about enough, that doesn’t mean people don’t have this same condition as me, it just isn’t spoken about.

I had to begin changing the narrative I was telling myself. I had to stop the negative language and self talk and begin looking at myself in a different light. I slowly started realising that no one cares if you have acne, they care how you treat them, how kind you are to other people, the stories you have to tell and what you have to give to the world. And imagine not having any kindness, stories or goals because you have acne? No thanks.

I started slowly by not wearing makeup to the gym in the mornings and realised very quickly that people treat you the exact same way whether you are wearing makeup and look like you have no acne, or if you have no makeup on showing all the redness and spots that you have. Once again, I realised no one gives a shit.

Once I realised that no one cares whether I have the clearest skin ever or have my worst acne day ever, I started to think why do I care so much? Why do I care first of all what other people think of the way I look and why do I care if my skin is awful one day and ok the next? This does not change who I am as a person so why do I give it so much power?

Once you stop giving power to things that really don’t matter and start putting energy into the things that do like being a kind person, kicking goals, and maintaining good health your life really does change.

I am in no way completely comfortable and accepting of my skin. I am just starting, but where I am is so far from where I was and for that I am grateful and happy. I still wear makeup most days, however I don’t wear it everyday to cover my acne. I wear it because I like to. I also go out far more often without makeup than what I used to and that is a win for me. If I can’t be bothered to do my makeup or cover my face then I won’t and it doesn’t effect me in the way that it used to.

I will keep working towards the self love of my skin, but for now I know it does not define who I am or my worth. I hope this can get the conversation rolling surrounding acne and it can become a more talked about topic because I know more people my age, younger or older suffer from this and it effects them as badly as it used to effect me.

You are beautiful. You are worthy.